mama at home

Isaac Grows Up - 24 Months

2012-01-27T12:00:00.000-06:00

Mister, you are TWO! A whole two years old and I just can't believe it! You know, two was hard for me to grasp a couple of months ago, but in the past two months, you have started acting so much older and you just seem like a two year old to me now. You are doing all those hilarious things I see other two year olds do...like hoarding items and needing random, odd objects in bed with you to sleep. You know, like a puzzle piece and your kitchen phone. And I love it! It's such a fun age and I'm enjoying you so much, Isaac.

You have SUCH a sense of humor. You love to be silly and do silly things, you like to tease us and joke with us. And you love for us to laugh at the funny things you do.

[SO PROUD of yourself for climbing the neighbor's steps]

You know more words now that I can ever begin to list here and you often bust out words that I had no idea you knew. You'll just randomly point to something new and say what it is. So cool! I love how much you are talking now and I love that we can even have little conversations.

You are starting to have fears, which actually makes me really, really sad. I hate to see that stuff pop up...I know it's totally normal, but I still hate it for you. And your fears are of the most random things. The one I hate the most is when you get scared of the shadows/lights reflected on the living room walls when a car drives by our house. You will stop playing immediately and come over to me to be cuddled, clinging to me for dear life. I have begun reciting a verse to you every time something like this happens (For we have not been given a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, and of love, and of sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7). It is really important to me that you are equipped with truth from a very young age, so I hope to hear you saying this yourself some day!

To help with the fears, we bought you a night light! You were starting to wake up crying numerous times a night and I had a feeling it was because you were scared. So we took a trip to Target and I let you pick out your night light. You held it the whole way home, then helped me plug it in. Now you talk about your 'light' every time we are in your room. And it does seem to have helped the night fears.

[patting the light]

[waving goodbye to the light]

You have a lovey. Just weeks shy of two years, and you finally found something that was lovey worthy: Dah. Dah has evolved over the past month - she started as a Christmas doll GoGo got you but after a tragic accident at the gym, she was lost. Emergency replacement doll was a pink doll from Walmart, but GoGo quickly replaced her with a blue doll she ordered online. Both "blue dah" and "pink dah" are near and dear to you. They go everywhere with us and you even take the time to feed them, wash their faces, and share your drink with them.

You think everything is a hat and you ask for "bowl hats" every day for your monsters.

You fold your sweet little hands at the dinner table each evening when we pray. Melt. My. Heart.

You have taken to shoving your hands down my shirt for comfort. I don't know where this came from, maybe a leftover from nursing, but whenever you are tired or anxious, you crawl into my lap, pull the neck of my shirt down, and stick your hands down to my boobs. I think it's funny and sweet unless we are at church, and then it's a little weird, haha.

You are starting to relate to kids your age and are making friends. You remember a lot of your classmates names from church and you ask about them often. I love that you get excited to see your friends!

You can identify a few colors! Orange was the first color you were able to identify because of your obsession with the fruit, but you also know blue, pink, and green.

[wearing the orange shirt you requested by color!]

You have learned what a boo boo is, although I didn't teach you this, so I'm not sure how you learned the word. Either way, I think it's cute when you ask me to kiss your boo boos or you want to kiss mine (and generally, you think my freckles are boo boos).

You think everyone with a sock cap on is Uncle Jake (because he wears sock caps all the time) and you ask about "Ma" (MawMaw) and Gage all the time, wanting to know exactly where they are in that moment.

Happy second birthday, Isaac! I'm so excited to celebrate you and your awesome little self this weekend and next week. :)

TWO!

2012-01-27T08:00:00.004-06:00

Happy Birthday to the cutest, sweetest two year old around! Love you so much, Mister.

Hock

2012-01-24T08:00:00.002-06:00

That would be Isaac's word for helicopter. He is completely obsessed with them. We live just a block and a half from one of the local hospitals, so we see the air evac helicopter pretty often, and we always have to stop everything we are doing and watch it fly over.

[pointing out a helicopter on our walk the other day.]

So when my mom told me that there was an opportunity for Isaac to see a helicopter up close and personal, I jumped all over it.

When we got in the car to drive to see it, I told Isaac where we were headed and he talked about it the entire 20 minute drive. We arrived at the property and in less than 5 minutes, saw the helicopter flying in.

Isaac didn't move the entire time the helicopter circled and landed. He just stared, mesmerized.

[poor chapped little cheeks]

But as soon as it touched the ground, he was dying to get closer and touch it.

Isaac got to soak in every little aspect of the hock for a good 30 minutes before it was time for them to fly off again.

Uncle Jake held him while they watched it fly away.

Bye Hock!!

Definitely a highlight of the mister's week!

September

2012-01-23T07:00:00.001-06:00

Yeah. So. There's that.

Three weeks after I found out I had miscarried, I found out that I was expecting again.

I'm so happy to be pregnant. I'm beyond thankful that our wait was so short. I'm scared that things won't end well. I'm not excited, mostly just because I'm not letting myself be. September would be awesome, though...I love fall. What an amazing way that would be to welcome my favorite season.

Yes, I'm already announcing on here. I hate the secrecy and trying to avoid the topic, plus, where else can I be neurotic if not here? I won't be posting weekly updates yet, but I'm sure I'll need somewhere to get out all my spazzing. Not to mention, the prayers and support I got last time were invaluable, so why not ask for that again?

After my miscarriage, I didn't even really know what to pray for. I was confused and in a little bit of a tail spin...as I've said repeatedly, I do not think miscarriages are ever part of God's plan, but I just couldn't quite work it out as to why things happen even when I know that they aren't God's will. I don't know that it's something I'll ever have the answer to, but I do know that God laid on my heart that I needed to start praying for redemption, for Him to redeem the situation. So that's exactly what I did.

Give thanks for the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story, those He redeemed from the hand of the enemy. Psalm 107:1-2.

So, baby 107, I expect to see you in September.

Official

2012-01-18T11:51:00.003-06:00

I am in total shock that I'm even writing these words, but...

We are now a licensed foster family!

I got an email from our social worker this morning saying that she licensed us last night and has mailed our paperwork to us for signatures. I was completely blown away, because technically, we should have a final home study to sign that paperwork. The last thing I was expecting that email to say was that we are signed, sealed and stamped. I don't know if it's because our second home study took two visits or because they are simply backlogged, but whatever the case, we are in the system!

When I first received the email, I squealed really loud and yelled, "Oh my gosh, we are licensed!!!" My first reaction was definitely total excitement. I immediately hopped on facebook and posted "WE ARE A LICENSED FOSTER FAMILY!!!", complete with caps lock and multiple exclamation points. But within a few moments, it all began to sink in, and I'll be honest, I started spazzing a little bit. I mean, you guys, our world is about to be rocked in a way I cannot even begin to fathom. This is more than just adding a child to our family and adjusting our normal. This is about putting everything we have into loving a child that will most likely be going home to his/her biological parents. It's about having no choice but to put complete and total trust in God that He has an amazing plan both for our family and for our potential foster kid(s). It's about taking a bigger step in faith than I have ever taken before. And finding out that we are official, that we could receive a call at any moment, made all of that very real.

And at any moment is no exaggeration. Two local foster moms posted on my facebook status. One said they got their first call the day after they were licensed. The other said they got their first call two hours after they were licensed. Holy cow, I could be showing up to church on Sunday with two kids in tow. I can't even wrap my brain around that! Of course, getting a call doesn't necessarily equate to getting a child - it's very possible that we could get a few calls before we actually have a child, but regardless, it's all happening and it's happening fast.

So, prayers are obviously appreciated. I can't wait to share more of this journey with you all!

Tidbits

2012-01-13T22:26:00.001-06:00

- Sorry for the silence around here! It's not been intentional - we don't have Internet on our computer right now. We had a virus, which Chad took care of, but it screwed up our Internet connection. Chad is in the middle of a fix, but it's slow going. Thank goodness he's tech savvy though or else we'd be in trouble. In the meantime, my only Internet access is through my phone, which is a bit of a pain. It's fine to browse but much harder to participate!

- So you know how I got a new camera and lens for Christmas? Well, I decided it was time to upgrade my camera bag as well. My old one wasn't padded which became more of a problem as I added lenses. So I hopped on etsy and found a padded bag and a strap cover. They just arrived today and I love them!

- We've been busy around the house over the past couple weeks. We are hosting a baby shower at the end of January and Isaac's birthday party is just a few days later - they were just the motivation I've needed to finish a few small things around the house! The shower has over 100 invitees, which makes me nervous because my house definitely does not hold 100 people, but I'm hoping that with it being an open house style shower and many invitees being out of town, we'll be fine.

- I'm super pumped about Isaac's birthday party and I can't wait to share pictures with you guys!! I just sent out invites yesterday. We aren't inviting many people, just a small group of his little friends because I don't want him overwhelmed. The theme is simply lots of bright colors...sorta rainbows, but not, because I think that's too girlie, haha. Pinterest is the mother of all party ideas and I'm excited to execute a few little things. We are even doing a fun craft with the kiddos!

- We got about an inch of snow here this week, but of course, it all fell the morning mister had mother's day out so he didn't get to play it in. It was basically all melted by the time I picked him up. Boo. He was so pumped about it too. He kept looking at the window and yelling "snow!" So cute. :) I'm hoping we get more soon. I'm dying to dress him in his Carhart coveralls and snow boots and get pictures of him playing. Come on, Jack Frost!

- I'm reading The Hunger Games trilogy right now. I'm about halfway through the second book...I can't decide if I like them or not. Really, I'm not a big fan of distopian literature. Maybe I've read the wrong stuff but it's very predictable to me: there's a distopia, people are unhappy, people find out the leaders are keeping big secrets, people rebel/run off to form new utopia/distopia, the end. So far, that basically seems to be happening in these books. BUT. I will admit that I stayed up until 2am to finish the first book in a day. So obviously it's got some draw, haha.

- Chad and I made a huge diet switch at the beginning of the year and started eating Paleo. I've been wanting to make the switch for some time but it's been so overwhelming to me that we haven't really done anything. So when my Whole Living magazine came in last month with a 4 week Paleo eating plan, I jumped all over it. It was hard the first could of days because I was dying for sugar and bread, but that quickly went away. Then about a week and a half into it, I decided to indulge and eat a Kit-Kat bar. It was so overly sweet it nearly made me sick, which is really saying something for this sugar-aholic. I desperately needed a sugar cleanse, so that was a huge motivator for me. Not to mention, the food we are eating is so good and we have tried a bunch of veggies we wouldn't normally buy...leeks, beets, bok choy. I need to buy a Paleo cookbook so we can keep going after the 4 week plan is up, because we definitely want to continue down this road. Also? Almond butter might be the most delicious thing I've ever eaten.

- Alright I think that's all I got. Hopefully our Internet is back in action soon so I can post more and upload a few recent pics!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2011: A Year In Review

2011-12-31T08:00:00.006-06:00

Looking back, this year has had some amazing highs and some sad lows, but I wouldn't trade a bit of it for anything. We are blessed beyond measure and I'm so thankful for that!

A review of the year:

In January, we celebrated Isaac's first birthday!

In February, we painted, and painted, and painted some more, visited a sweet friend's new baby, celebrated another sweet friend's daughter's second birthday, and lost my grandpa.

March brought a bathroom renovation, big plans for the garden, lots of trips outside to enjoy the spring weather, and a little multi-tasking.

In April, Isaac got a big boy haircut, we saw sprouts in our garden, celebrated Easter, and got our chickens!!

May brought lots and lots and lots of rain, the start of swim lessons, Isaac growing up faster than we could keep up with, and Memorial Day, which we celebrated at the cabin.

In June, my brother went to Joplin and we spent a lot of time at the pool.

July, of course, brought the 4th of July, and tons of fun family time.

In August, Chad and I took our first baby-free trip to Chicago, Isaac started Mother's Day Out, and we soaked up the sun!

September saw the end of nursing my sweet baby, the SEMO District Fair, and the beginning of our fostering process.

In October, Isaac started climbing out of his crib and was transitioned to his big boy bed, we made family trips to the pumpkin patch, the local safari park, and a firetruck rally, I did a cheap renovation of the upstairs bathroom, and Chad I celebrated our 4th anniversary. (whew! busy month!)

November brought the announcement of a doubly growing family with the hopes of a July baby and Thanksgiving with family.

In December, we got the sad news that there would be no July baby. There was also a lot of joy in this month, through lots and lots and lots of Christmas activities and of course, Christmas itself.

I can't wait to see wait 2012 brings our family! Thank you, Lord, for the blessings you have given us and for the grace you have showed us.

Christmas

2011-12-29T14:20:00.004-06:00

Whew! I think we are finally recovering from Christmas around here. We had an amazing holiday, made even more fun by Isaac and the fact that he "got" the whole present thing this year.

We started out the holiday a few days early at my grandma's house. My mom, Isaac and I headed there to do a bunch of Christmas baking and got to hang out with my cousin, Gage. As I mentioned in Isaac's 23 month post, Isaac is all about big kids right now and he loved playing with his older, cooler cousin. :)

Sitting with Maw Maw. <3

Baking paraphernalia:

We included the boys in the sugar cookie making, but Isaac wasn't such a fan at first:

Luckily, he calmed down soon after and then really got into the whole cookie cutting thing:

Wait a minute...I can eat this stuff??

We came home on Friday and the next day, we celebrated Christmas with Chad's extended family. This is something I love so much. Chad's family is awesome and I love gathering with them at Chad's grandparents' house.

The kids, ready to open presents.

While we were waiting, the 3 week old baby next to us caught Isaac's attention:

Opening his gift (a train book! and a train stuffed animal!!)

Reading with his cousin, who is just a week younger than him.

Family pic! (with Isaac already in his Christmas pj's)

Christmas morning, we woke up at our house and got right to the present opening. We tried to snag a family pic, but they all ended up looking like this:

I think Isaac's stocking was his favorite to open. Car stickers! A nerf ball! M&M's! A bus!

Opening a couple of small presents (a sort stacker, a puzzle, and a foam ball):

And the big surprise - a play kitchen!

Multi-tasking:

Shortly after, my family came over for breakfast and more present opening:

Christmas aftermath:

We finished up the day with a trip to the movies (family tradition!) and Isaac playing with all his new toys. His fave new activity? Giving Da (doll) a ride on his truck:

Also, a note on all these pictures...they were all taken with my *new* Canon 2Ti and most were taken with my *new* 50mm 1.4 lens - both of which were killer Christmas presents from my mom.

My old camera has been busted for a few months now. It sorta worked, but I had to pop the battery out and then back in every time I wanted to take a picture and the focus wasn't working that well on it anymore. I had been saving up for a new camera, and thanks to some Christmas money from Chad's parents, I had enough to buy a new body. We have a rule in my family that you don't buy anything for yourself in the weeks leading up to Christmas because you don't want to ruin a Christmas gift, but that rule never even occurred to me when I decided to go ahead and order the camera body so it would arrive in time for Christmas day. I mean, it's not exactly a small purchase and we typically aren't a family that gives each other $500+ Christmas gifts, so I didn't think much of it.

Immediately after I ordered the new camera, I text my brother to see if he wanted to take my old camera. Right after that, Isaac woke up crying from his nap, so I went to his room and started rocking him. Within 5 minutes, my mom called me.

"Kristal Lee. What are you doing?!"

"Uhhhhh...rocking Isaac?"

"What are you doing ordering something for yourself 5 days before Christmas?!"

"You have got to be kidding...the camera? No way...right?"

Well, as it turns out, yes way. My mom not only bought me a new camera body, but a new lens as well. And she came over later that day to let me open it so I would have it for pictures on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Shocked doesn't even begin to describe it...never in a million years would I have guessed that I was getting such an awesome and expensive gift and I really hate that I ruined the surprise. I know my mom would have loved to have seen my blown away face when I opened it on Christmas Day. But man, it sure was nice to be able to take pictures with it on that day!!

(and a giant thank you to Leah for counseling my mom not only on which camera and lens to buy, but also on the flipping adorable Carhart overalls Isaac got for Christmas!!)

ETA: I edited this to the correct camera...not an XTi, it's a 2Ti. I'm a dork!

Isaac Grows Up - 23 Months

2011-12-28T15:00:00.000-06:00

Just one month shy of TWO YEARS, Mister! You know, you turning two seemed strange to me last month, but you have changed so much in the past thirty days...you are acting like a two year old, and it just seems natural to me that you will be two soon. Funny how that happens.

Things you are doing at 23 months:

Talking. Holy cow, are you talking! It would be futile for me to try and list the new words you have because you will say or repeat any and every word we say. The cutest addition to your vocabulary is the word please. I've been prompting you to say it for the past couple of months, but now you will say it on your own and it's nearly impossible to resist. You even say it during diaper changes - you hate having your diaper changed and will yell "stop, stop!" the entire time I change you. But you've recently started saying "stop please!". Pathetic and cute at the same time.

You jump! You've been jumping for a couple of months, but it's been one legged jumping. Now, you can jump and actually get both feet off the ground.

Puzzles are still really keeping your attention and you even got some more advanced puzzles for Christmas that you are getting the hang of.

You are going through a definite mommy phase right now and you get a little anxious if I leave you, but you recover very quickly. And I get the sweetest "Hi Mommy!!" when I return.

Out of the blue, you became obsessed with Santa this month. I have no idea how this happened, because we don't really "do" Santa, but it sure was funny. You could spot Santa anywhere - even a small Santa hat was enough to peak your Santa radar. Once, we were walking out of Walmart and you leaned around me and cried "Hi Santa!!". I turned around to see an older gentleman, dressed in street clothes, with a full white beard. Ha! Thankfully, the man laughed and said his grandson calls him Santa, too. :)

[and obviously, the santa cookie cutter was your favorite.]

You always want to eat. You will literally ask for a snack within 5 minutes of having eaten breakfast ("Mommy, snack?"). This has actually become a bit of a problem because you want to snack all day and then you won't eat at meals. We are working on keeping set snack and meal times to avoid the constant all day snacking habit.

While you have been imitating us for some time, it has really ramped up this past month. You not only imitate big things, like cooking or folding laundry, but little things too, like washing your hands in your play sink. We also took you to Trader Joe's this month and let you shop with one of their kid's carts. You knew just what to do and we were dying laughing the entire time at how stinking cute you were! Another funny imitation story - you have two stuffed animals (one is a hippo and one is a parrot) and daddy always makes them pretend fight, which you think is hilarious. Well, recently, you started fighting one of the animals (the parrot). One day, you took everything you could in your room and threw it at the parrot - your felt food, your books, your pillows...when you ran out of things in your room to chuck at the poor bird, you ran around the house looking for more ammo. Your daddy and I got quite a kick out of that!!

You love to roughhouse with daddy. You know mommy doesn't like to roughhouse with you, but boy, you don't hold back with daddy. You get rolled and tossed and thrown and swung and you love every single second of it.

You are busy busy busy. You are always doing something and unless we are reading a book or you are very tired, you rarely sit still. But sometimes, you concentrate all that busyness on one task that will keep you occupied for a long time - like at Maw Maw's this past week, when you emptied and restocked her pantry over and over and over.

You think older kids are so cool. You've had a blast over the past month seeing so many older cousins due to the holidays.

You say yes and nod your head yes now, which is a big deal. For the longest time, you said no to everything just because you could. The addition of yes to your repertoire has been awesome!

Isaac, you are the sweetest, funniest, cutest little guy there is and we are so blessed to have you. We love you SO much, Bubba.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

2011-12-22T08:00:00.001-06:00

Last week, we had a Happy Birthday Jesus party!

The entire thing was planned by my friend Ashley, but then the night before the party, Ashley and both of her kiddos got sick - such a bummer! We had our second home study the night before, so because our house was decently clean, I offered to host the party at my house. I went to Ashley's the morning of the party to pick up all the stuff expecting to get a small box of supplies from her, and ended up driving home with a car full of items. She had planned so many fun things and added in so many fun little details. I hated that she didn't get to see all her awesome planning come to fruition, but we sure did enjoy the fruits of her labor!

Lots of yummies, including a cute little hot chocolate bar:

Chaos ensuing:

One of the first things we did was make gingerbread houses. Ashley had preassembled the houses, so all we had to do was decorate them. It was so much fun! Isaac was into it for a little bit (he liked spreading on the frosting) but once he lost interest, I went to town with our little house:

After decorating the gingerbread houses, we made handprint Christmas trees. The idea has been floating around pinterest and it's super cute! I didn't do it with Isaac because he really isn't a huge fan of his hands being in paint (those bathroom handprint canvases weren't the easiest to do) and I didn't want to push it for something that was supposed to be fun, but all the other moms did it with their kiddos. Have you ever tried to use paint with 7 kids all at the same time? Yeah...it was awesome. :)

Last, we gathered around the birthday cake, lit candles, and sang for Jesus:

And all the kiddos were sent home with homemade candy cane play dough (I mean, is that not the cutest thing?):

Such a fun day!

Christmas Decor

2011-12-21T07:00:00.001-06:00

With Christmas only 4 days away, I figured it was time for me to share my Christmas decor.

When you walk in the door, you're greeted by the entry decor:

Next, the living room:

DIY freezer stencil pillows:

We have two trees this year - one "pretty" tree and then our family ornament tree. We finally have enough family ornaments to warrant a separate tree!

Our family ornaments from this year: a little people firetruck for Isaac, a car with a tree on top to commemorate our first trip to the tree farm, a cityscape of Chicago from our August trip, and a retro TV with a winter scene inside from the tree farm.

A sweet little handprint ornament I made with Isaac:

Isaac's nativities:

The dining room:

All our Christmas cards hanging in the kitchen:

(look closely...you may recognize a few bloggers!)

And a few sweet things in Isaac's room:

The Aftermath

2011-12-20T07:00:00.002-06:00

It's been three weeks since I miscarried and 1 week since it was confirmed, so I thought I'd do a little follow up with how things are going.

Overall, I'm still feeling good.

Physically, my body has rebounded very well - my levels are all where they are supposed to be and I feel like my normal self. I am charting right now, not to get pregnant again, but just so I can have an idea of if my body is going to have a normal cycle right away or if it's going to take a bit to be regular again.

Emotionally, I'd still say that I'm doing fine. Not great, not awful, just sort of middle of the road. To be honest, my biggest complaint at this moment is that I'm just ready to move on - just ready to have a normal cycle, ready to be able to try to get pregnant again, ready to be pregnant again, ready to just be moving on with our lives.

And yes, as I said in my last post, I realize that sounds a bit heartless. I'm leery of even posting it, actually, but I feel like if I don't say it, I'm being dishonest, and that's not at all the point of blogging for me. I've always sworn to myself that I would be honest about my experiences in pregnancy and parenting, so that's what I'm doing here.

Yes, I'm sad that we lost this baby. But most of that sadness is related to experiences that I will be missing - watching my belly grow, feeling the baby kick, having a home birth in July. Something I have come to know about myself, both from my pregnancy with Isaac and this most recent pregnancy, is that I do not really attach to my children until they are in my arms. Yes, I love them even when they are tiny apples seeds in my belly, but that true, strong, undeniable mommy/baby bond doesn't form for me until after the baby is born.

Ugh, I hate reading this back to myself. It makes me sound so awful.

Logically, I know everyone handles this kind of thing differently. But the fact that I don't seem nearly as upset as everyone expects me to be coupled with quite a few comments/emails/messages saying I'm not allowing myself to process my grief makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, when really, I know I'm handling this in a way that fits pretty much exactly with my personality and with my past experiences. I'm just not that person that needs to cry for weeks or have a memorial for my baby. And please understand - there is nothing wrong with those things!! I guess I'm just asking others to understand that there isn't anything wrong with not doing those things either.

At this point, the hardest thing for me to deal with is timing and the fact that as days tick by, there is a bigger and bigger gap growing between Isaac and any future biological kids. I wanted my kids close together and that is quickly slipping out of reach. Isaac and this baby would have been exactly 2.5 years apart, and even that was pushing it a little for my preference. Now we are more than likely looking at more like a 3 year gap, and let me tell you, that is really hard for me to swallow. It doesn't help that there were several women pregnant at the same time I was pregnant with Isaac and now they are almost all pregnant again. Seeing that pop up on blogs and facebook is salt in a fresh wound and is the main reason I'm avoiding those two things right now. (And to the commenter who said I was harsh for ignoring my pregnant friends - I wasn't talking about people I know in real life, I was talking about blogs and facebook. It may seems harsh to you, but it's what I need, so please, let me handle this in a way that works for me without criticizing.)

I've really put a lot of thought into why close spacing is so important to me in hopes that it would ease some of my worries in this area. I think part of it is the relationship I have with my brother and the 2 year age gap between us. Part of it is that Chad and I would like several kids and I'd prefer to be done sooner (read: when we are younger), rather than later. And part of it, plain and simple, is that I love being pregnant, I love scrunchy newborns, I love breastfeeding, and I love kids.

Some of those "issues" have the potential to solve themselves through our foster and adoption process. (And please understand, that is NOT AT ALL our motivation to foster. Please, please understand that. It is so important to me that that does not get misconstrued. We started the foster process long before this miscarriage, so it certainly had no bearing on our decision. I'm just readjusting my thought process now to how everything will fit together for us, and our foster journey is a part of that.) More than likely, our foster child will fall somewhere in between Isaac and our next baby, closing up that gap. Depending on how many kids we adopt through fostering, we may be done having biological children sooner than we think. And depending on how young our foster kid(s) are, we may even get a scrunchy newborn. If I focus on those things, I can breathe a little easier through the age gap. It's just not always easy to focus on those things.

In spite of all that word vomit above, there really are some positives that have come out of this. And yes, I'm definitely one of those annoying perky people that has to find the positive in everything.

First of all, the fact that we won't be having a baby in July means that we can be more open to a foster sibling group. This is a really big deal. We had planned to be open to one anyway, but we knew it would need to be a short term placement because of our July due date. But now, we can look at more long term placements with sibling groups. There is a significant need for homes to take sibling groups in our district - right now, they are often split up because so few homes can accept them - so I'm really thrilled with the opportunity to serve in this way.

Second - and second is a big one and really needs to be, like, second through fifth - this experience has taught me a lot about what I believe about God and what I don't. It's given me the chance to immerse myself in truth and it's given me a hunger for knowledge that I've never had before in terms of spiritual matters. I could quote more scripture to you right now that I've ever been able to in my life and it's amazing how many times the perfect verse has popped into my head exactly when I needed it. Not only that, but my entire perspective on this type of thing has changed. If you would have asked me 6 months ago how I would have responded to something like this, I would have told you without hesitation that I would be really pissed at God. But that is not at all the case for me now. I don't believe for a second that this was all a part of His "plan" and I recognize that He is walking with me through this and comforting me, not standing by to "teach me a lesson". (Again, I really need to do a big post on this stuff...) Now, to be fair, I have had a few moments when I've yelled at God, screamed at Him that I don't get it and feel like I'm missing something, but I also know that He's big enough to handle my frustration when it comes and that it doesn't change the way He feels about me.

Third - I am so incredibly blessed, it blows my mind. Yes, this is a sucky thing that's happened, but it doesn't at all diminish all the good I have. Chad has been so awesome through all of this and Isaac could not be a cuter, cooler kid. My family is amazing (even though I'm not one to want to talk about this stuff in real life, they are still just there to hang out with me, which is much appreciated). My house is my favorite place to be - no joke, sometimes I just sit in the living room looking around and thanking God over and over for blessing us with our perfect home. Our church family cannot be beat and the outpouring of support we've had through this journey is just unimaginable. I'm just blown away at all the messages of support we've gotten and even more amazed when a text as simple as "praying for you!" comes at exactly the right time.

And I think that sums it up. I'm just continuing to pray that my body straightens itself out sooner rather than later and that I can continue to remember my blessings rather than focus on my loss.

More Christmas Fun

2011-12-16T23:24:00.003-06:00

The Christmas activities have continued around here!

Last week, Chad and I went to one of the local high school's madrigal feasts. I'd been years ago when I was still in high school and wanted to check it out again. We had a blast and will definitely go again next year.

We were greeted with songs when we entered the school:

The feast was held in the cafeteria, but it was decorated so well that it took Chad and I a few minutes to even realize where we were:

Me and my date:

The next day, I took Isaac to a holiday family concert at the university. He was absolutely mesmorized. The majority of the music was played with percussion instruments, which Isaac is totally in to, plus they had different Christmas cartoon images playing behind the stage and Isaac recognized quite a few of the characters.

My view for most of the show :)

Sunday was our church's Christmas special - I asked Chad to grab a few pictures since I was on stage singing. I absolutely love singing in the choir; it's such an amazing way to worship.

The children's choir sang with us for a few songs - things like that make me tear up! Isaac will be old enough to be involved in those things before we know it.

This weekend, we are celebrating Christmas with Chad's immediate family, next week my mom, Isaac and I will be heading to my grandma's for three days for a baking bonanza, and then we'll be celebrating Christmas here. I can't believe how quickly it's all coming! We're just trying to soak it all in.

An End

2011-12-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

Well, this is definitely not the post I wanted to be writing, but it's the one I have to write - I had a surprise doctor's visit yesterday and found out that I'm no longer pregnant. I think a friend said it best - when I said that I truly felt the baby had been healed, I was right - this baby is with Jesus and is completely perfect. Not to sound trite, but that is an incredibly comforting thought to me.

My appointment was originally set for Thursday and I was supposed to go in for just a blood draw. I called Tuesday to let them know I had stopped bleeding and cramping last week and never passed any tissue, so did they need to schedule an u/s? Rather than schedule one for Thursday, the nurse asked me to come in right then because they had an opening.

As soon as I got into the room and the nurse started the u/s, I knew the outcome. I've had enough ultrasounds in my life to know what the screen is supposed to look like and what it's not. The OB came in less than 60 seconds after the u/s began and told me that my body had reabsorbed about 95% of the blood and tissue, which is why I had so little cramping and bled for such a short time. 5% is still hanging out, but she said it looks like an "active bleed" and based on how my body has performed so far, she expects that it will reabsorb the remaining as well.

Feeling like a total crazy person, I asked why I'd been feeling stretching in my uterus and had the full, swollen feeling still. She told me that was completely normal, that often your body still acts pregnant because of the pregnancy hormone, so your uterus will continue to grow some, despite the fact that the baby isn't growing. I'll have to have a follow up blood work visit to make sure my hormone levels continue to drop, but other than that, my body seems to be doing the job all on it's own.

So, how do I feel? Honestly...fine. Don't get me wrong - it's sad and disappointing and there are a few things I'm going to have to process and be mad about for a little bit (like the Christmas cards I won't be sending out because of their reference to the baby...). But at this point, I don't feel wrecked or destroyed or beaten down.

I think God showed me a lot of grace in giving me a two week period between the bleeding starting and me finding out for sure what the outcome was. Even though I did feel confident in a positive outcome, I still think having that two week period was a very good thing. It was a chance for me to remind myself of what I believe and really immerse myself in scripture, which I know has had a huge impact on how I'm feeling right now. At some point soon, I will do a post about my beliefs, but to answer a question I'm sure many have - yes, I do still believe our God is a God of healing and no, I don't think miscarriage (or any sickness, disease, or premature death) is ever God's plan. I don't know why the physical doesn't always line up with biblical promises, but I know what the bible says and I'm going to choose to believe in it. (I hate the way that sounds after reading it back to myself...it sounds like I'm denying reality. I really need to explain further and I will, hopefully soon.)

I know a lot of pregnant women right now...between blogs I read, Facebook, and people I know in real life, I'd guess it's over 30 - maybe even more. I plan to take some time off from Facebook and unsubscribe to many of the pregnancy blogs for a bit. Not that I'm not happy for those people, I just don't think it's healthy for me to constantly be thinking "I should be X number of weeks" or "I should be experiencing that" which is what I know would happen should I continue to read those things. For some reason, it's different with the pregnant people I see on a day to day basis...I don't know why, but that's a lot easier for me, and much easier for me to be excited for those people. Regardless, please don't be offended when you no longer see my comments on your blog or facebook status in regards to your pregnancy. It's just what I need to do at the moment.

Also, this sounds kind of weird, but I'm so grateful to my body for doing it's job. I never had bad cramping (and I was told to expect labor type cramps) or severe bleeding. My bleeding was actually no different from a period. And as it turns out, my body has done exactly what it's supposed to do and reabsorbed everything, saving me from what I know could have been a much more traumatic experience. Praise God for that! At this point (and I really hope this doesn't come off as heartless), I'm just ready to move on. I'm ready for my body to be back to it's normal hormone levels and for my regular cycle to resume. And as counter intuitive as this may seem, I am thankful that we are experiencing this now, during the holidays, rather than a slower time of year. There is so much joy in this season for me and I'm so thankful that I can focus on that during this time, rather than impatiently waiting for my body to get back on track. Between Christmas, New Year's, becoming licensed foster parents, and Isaac's birthday, I anticipate a lot of happiness in the next two months to heal the hurt of losing this baby.

I appreciate everyone's prayers more than I could ever express. It's been amazing to know so many have lifted us up in prayer and we are very grateful. And we'd definitely appreciate continued prayers of peace and healing.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world! John 16:33

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

9 Weeks

2011-12-09T09:00:00.000-06:00

How far along: 9 weeks! This week, baby officially loses his embryo title and becomes a fetus (although regardless of the medical term, I just consider him a baby!). He's developing distinct facial features and his heartbeat might even be strong enough now to be picked up by a doppler.

How big is baby: Green olive.

Weight gain/loss: -5 pounds, which I'm sure has been because the past two weeks have been a tiny bit stressful.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Maternity clothes: No.

Sleep: Good, although I've been really tired again. Napping most days for at least 30 minutes when Isaac is sleeping.

Food cravings or aversions: No. My mind has been way too busy to be thinking about food!

Gender: We'll find out in July!

Movement: Well, I think it's too early for what I'm feeling to be the baby, but I'm definitely feeling the bubble popping sensations that seem to come as your uterus grows and stretches.

Belly button: Positively innie.

Exercise/Diet: Still no exercise because I'm sticking to my self imposed "take it easy" orders. Diet is about the same. For a few days, I barely ate because I had no appetite, but it's back in full swing now.

What I'm loving: That I'm still pregnant!

What I miss: Nada

What's different this time: Whew, what a turn of events the past few days have taken. In my 8 week post, I said that I'd gone to the OB because of bleeding and cramping and was sent home to miscarry - the OB even went as far as giving me pain meds and sleeping meds and told me to drug my way through it. After about an hour of feeling completely hopeless, I began to pray healing over the baby and asked for prayers from as many people as I could. Never in my life have I prayed or read the bible so often and never have I felt such power of the authority we've been given through Christ. I woke up Friday morning (the day after my u/s) to find that my cramping was gone. As the days followed, I bled less and less and by Tuesday, I was symptom free (praise God!).

From a medical standpoint, I do not know anything for certain and I won't know anything until next Thursday. But from a spiritual standpoint, I am certain that this baby is healed. I'll be honest, it's a little bit scary for me to claim that so openly before actually seeing or hearing it from a medical professional, but I truly believe it. I've been given a supernatural peace from God about the baby's health and I'm holding on to that each day. Surprisingly, I'm even looking forward to my OB appt on Thursday. I think as the day draws near I'll be more nervous, but right now, I can't wait for it to get here.

Had I had this episode even 6 months ago, I would be in a totally different place. I'm not going to pretend that every moment in the past week and a half has been full of faith and power - I've had a few dark moments for sure - but as a whole, I am in awe of the peace I've had through this. Had this have happened last year, I would have been shaking in a corner, waiting for the storm to pass. But instead, through some awesome women and an awesome bible study, God has taught me so much in the past 6 months and prepared me for this in more ways than I can even explain. I am eternally grateful for that and in awe of my God who cares so much to work out all of the awesome details for these things.

On top of all of this, I just feel pregnant, which is a hard thing to explain unless you've been pregnant before. I know I wouldn't have recognized this stuff the first time around, but I do this time. I've still been basically symptom free, other than being tired, but my body feels pregnant. I've got that heavy, full feeling in my uterus, the bottom part of my stomach is really starting to round out, and like I said above, I've been feeling a lot of stretching and growing happening.

I'll update as soon as I can on Thursday after my appointment, but until then, I'd love if you'd continue to keep my in your prayers!

Fight the good fight of faith. 1 Timothy 6:12

Christmas Fun

2011-12-05T08:25:00.004-06:00

First, I want to thank you all for the encouraging comments and all the prayer. The support we have had so far has been absolutely overwhelming. I cannot tell you how many messages, emails, texts, and calls I have had over the past few days. I've been prayed with, prayed over, prayed on, and prayer for more times in the past 3 days than I have in my entire life. I have had numerous people tell me that they are praying our 4 scriptures of promise right along with us and many friends are keeping a constant check on me. I have thanked God countless times for the support group he has surrounded us with.

What I can tell you right now is that I have seen a significant decrease in symptoms over the past few days. My cramps disappeared Thursday evening and the bleeding has decreased each day. I am continuing to stand firm against what I believe to be Satan's attempt to steal, kill, and destroy and I am praying the abundant life we are promised over this baby (John 10:10).

In the meantime, I refuse to let this situation strip our family of the joy of Christmas. We have jam packed weekends this month and I am set on enjoying all the family activities we have planned. Regardless of what I am facing in this moment, the big picture is that Christmas is about celebrating the miracle of Christ coming to earth and that is what we are focusing on!

A few activities from the past two weekends...

Our town has a Parade of Lights each year on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. It's a great way to segway from Thanksgiving to Christmastime - I actually went for the very first time last year and plan to make this a yearly tradition, especially since we'll be able to say that Isaac has gone every single year of his life!

This year it was frigid, but Isaac was totally into it. This was the look on his face pretty much the entire time:

He totally dug the bands that played:

But obviously, the trucks were his fave:

This past weekend, our first order of business was to buy a real tree! Chad and I both had real trees when we were kids, but have never had a real tree in our adult lives. This year, I wanted to put up two trees - a "pretty" tree and a family ornament tree. There is a tree farm here (Meier Horse Shoe Pines for the locals) that does sleigh rides to the trees and I knew Isaac would totally be into it, so we decided that our family tree would be a real tree this year. This ended up being a ton of fun and something I would guess we'll continue doing each year.

Arriving at the farm - they have a small shop full of ornaments and decor:

Heading out on our sleigh ride (ignore his poor windchapped face. Poor kid's sensitive skin has no chance in the winter):

Me and my mister:

Kisses:

Found our tree! Isaac was NOT a fan of it being chopped down.

Waiting for our ride back to the barn:

Quick family picture before we headed out (and way too much going on for Isaac to look at the camera):

Later that evening, we headed to something called The Road to Bethlehem. It's a recreation of Bethlehem and you can walk through the market stalls and buy things (with coins you are given at the door for free), pet animals (goats and sheep and camels!), see the shepherds and wise men, and at the very end, you see Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. This was our first year going and it was awesome. Isaac absolutely loved it - he was all about giving his coins to the merchants and getting things in return and he's always into animals, so that was a big hit too. I wasn't sure if he'd be old enough to really get it or if he'd be a little scared of all the activity, but he was very much into it.

Sunday evening we didn't have any church activities, so we headed to our local park that puts on a huge light display. And again, Isaac totally dug it. He is at such a fun age for this stuff! You drive through the park at about 3 miles per house so we let Isaac get out of his carseat for a better look. He ended up sitting in Chad's lap, hanging out of the window for the majority of the time so he could get a closer look. Even funnier, he randomly started yelling "Santa!!" every time he saw a Santa display.

So far, our Christmas season has been lots of fun and we're looking forward to what we have in store!

Pregnancy

2011-12-01T23:39:00.001-06:00

Pregnancy #1

BFP 05.24.2009
EDD 01.27.2011
Isaac Joseph, born on his due date

The Announcement
All The Dirty Details

11 weeks
12 weeks
13 weeks
14 weeks
15 weeks
16 weeks
17 weeks
18 weeks
19 weeks
20 weeks
21 weeks
22 weeks
23 weeks
24 weeks
25 weeks
26 weeks
27 weeks
28 weeks
29 weeks
30 weeks
31 weeks
32 weeks
33 weeks
34 weeks
35 weeks
36 weeks
37 weeks
38 weeks
39 weeks
40 weeks

Isaac's birth story
Isaac's birth in pictures

1 week post partum
2 weeks post partum
3 weeks post partum
4 weeks post partum
6 weeks post partum
1 year post partum

Isaac's nursery

Pregnancy #2

BFP 11.01.2011
EDD 07.13.2012
Natural miscarriage @ 8 weeks on 12.01.2011
Miscarriage confirmed @ 10 weeks on 12.13.2011

The Announcement

4 weeks
5 weeks
6 weeks
7 weeks
8 weeks
9 weeks
An End

8 Weeks

2011-12-01T21:30:00.003-06:00

How far along: 8 weeks. Baby is moving his newly formed arms and legs like crazy, even thought I can't feel it yet. His fingers and toes are only slightly webbed now and he's lost his tail. And, he's forming taste buds!

How big is baby: A raspberry, which is funny because I've been eating them all week without even realizing that was the baby's size now.

Weight gain/loss: 0

Stretch marks: Nope.

Maternity clothes: No.

Sleep: Good.

Food cravings or aversions: Craving water like crazy.

Gender: We'll find out in July!

Movement: Nope, not yet.

Belly button: Positively innie.

Exercise/Diet: Honestly, I didn't work out a single time this week. More on the reasons for that below. As far as diet is concerned, I've been eating like normal but I seriously cannot get enough water. I'm a huge water drinker to begin with - I'd say I normally put back about 80-90 oz a day - but I would guess I've been drinking about double that lately. I'm just constantly thirsty.

What I'm loving: Seeing this sweet baby's heartbeat.

What I miss: The no worry attitude I had two weeks ago.

What's different this time:

Well, this pregnancy is shaping up to be quite different from my pregnancy with Isaac. Monday night, I started to have some brown spotting. I wasn't overly concerned - I had the same with Isaac. But then on Tuesday, the spotting started to be tinged wih red and I was starting to feel crampy. I called my midwife and she suggested a few things, including a tincture to ease the cramps and increase progesterone production. I began the tincture, but things seemed to get progressively worse. My original plan was to just "wait and see" but by Thursday, the cramping and bleeding was bad enough that I called my OBGYN. She immediately had me come in for an u/s. My midwife recommends against u/s in the first trimester, but I was bleeding and cramping badly enough that I felt it was the right step to take. The ultrasound revealed a beautiful baby with a heartbeat. But the baby was measuring behind and the heart rate was very low. After the u/s, the OB came in to talk to me. She said she thinks I will miscarry by this weekend. She said she has seen some "crazy comebacks" but she thinks this pregnancy will result in a natural miscarriage.

However, we are rejecting the bad report (I will have no fear of bad news; my heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Psalms 112:7) and we are focusing on the positive: we have a baby with a heartbeat.

Before I go further, I think it need to briefly explain the biblical doctrine we believe: we believe that our God is a God of healing, health, and long life. Death and destruction are never the Lord's will. Plain and simple, they are works of the enemy. (And I realize that probably does not line up with what the majority of Christians reading this blog believe and I wish I had more time to explain why I believe this, but now is not the time.)

With that said, we are claiming healing and health for this sweet child of ours. We are filling our minds with truth and we are rejecting fear and anxiety. We are praying many scriptures over this child, but there are four specific ones I'd love to share with you and if you would like to join us in this fight, we would be grateful.

Psalms 118:17. "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord." This baby will live to bring glory to the Lord through the miracle of his life.

Isaiah 54:17 "No weapon formed against you will prosper." Death is a weapon of the enemy and the enemy has no authority over our family! We are children of God and He who is in us is greater than he who is in he world.

Jeremiah 23:29 "Is not My word like a fire and like a hammer that shatters the rock?" Praying His word shatters and burns the symptoms of miscarriage (specifically, cramping and bleeding.

Matthew 18:19 "If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven." Lots of people agree that this baby will live and I am believing God will hear our request.

Isaiah 55:11 So is My word that goes forth from My mouth: it will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Toddler Bed Transition

2011-11-30T08:00:00.001-06:00

In the midst of everything that's been going on around our house, Isaac started climbing out of his crib and we quickly transitioned him to a toddler bed. I thought I'd talk about how we made the transition in case any other mamas are interested!

The night after Isaac climbed out of his crib was the night that we began the transition. My first thought was to use our bed rail on his crib. We had the bed rail from our bed sharing days and it seemed like a good solution to me. That day, I took the front of his crib off and installed the bed rail. And then I posted a picture of my sweet boy sleeping in his crib.

Shortly after posting that picture, my friend Beth emailed me to say, "OMG!! You're killing your child!!"

Just kidding. Actually, she sweetly emailed me to say that they had the same bed rail and theirs had a warning on it saying it wasn't safe to use with a crib. After reading her message, I checked ours out and sure enough, we weren't using it safely. Crap. Now what??

Well, Beth also kindly told me what they'd done with their son. We took the same steps and it worked out great for us.

Basically, we just quit the crib railing cold turkey. No crib rail, no bed rail, nothing. Just an open side. The reasoning behind it is this: at some point, we've obviously all learned to subconsciously be aware of the edges of our bed and not roll out. And we would rather Isaac learn that now in a crib bed that is barely a foot off the ground than a regular bed that sets more like 3 feet off the ground.

The first night, I laid pillows across the floor so when he did fall out, it wouldn't hurt. He ended up rolling out twice (that I know of) that night. Once a couple of hours before I went to bed and then again right before I went to bed. Chad checked on him before he came to bed and he was still in the crib, but based on how early he came into our room that morning (I think it was around 4), I'm guessing he rolled out again. For the first few nights, I was flexible with Isaac coming into our room in the middle of the night (once, I think it was as early as 2:30) because I just wanted him to get the hang of the bed without pushing too much on him at once.

The next three nights went about the same. He'd roll out of the crib (staying asleep the entire time, by the way) and we'd go in and put him back into his crib. Rinse, wash, repeat. And early in the mornings when he'd roll out, he'd usually just get up and walk to our room, where I'd pull him into bed with me and we'd cuddle and sleep awhile longer.

Then on the fifth night, things suddenly clicked. He didn't fall out a single time before Chad and I went to bed. He did come to our room pretty early, but he seemed to basically make it through the night without any falls.

After a few consistent nights with no falls, I did two things: first, I stopped leaving the pillows on the floor in front of the crib. Second, if he came to our room before 6AM, I'd take him back to his room and lay him down in his crib. I wanted to gently let him know that even though he could get out of his crib and come to our room, he didn't need to. The first couple nights I did this, I laid by him until he fell asleep. But after a few nights of that, I was able to just take him to his room, lay him down, and leave. I'd say after about a week of consistently taking him back to his room, he stopped coming into our room early in the morning.

Now, the routine is that he goes to bed around 8 and he comes into our room around 6 or 6:30. I bring him into bed with us where he snuggles up super close to me, and we sleep for another hour or hour and a half (I love that sweet time!). There are occasionally nights now where he will wake up in the middle of the night and come to our room, but I just walk him back to his room, lay him down, and go back to bed. Thus far, he's never been upset about that in the slightest.

Overall, the transition was very smooth and didn't seem to bother Isaac's sleeping at all. And to end this boring wall of text with a picture, my sweet man sleeping in his big boy crib:

7 Weeks

2011-11-28T08:00:00.003-06:00

How far along: 7 weeks. Baby is developing at a break neck speed: he's generating about 100 new brain cells each minute (wow!), his brain and heart are becoming more complex, he's developing a permanent set of kidneys, and his arm and leg joints are forming.

How big is baby: The size of a blueberry (cute!).

Weight gain/loss: -2...considering that it seems to be going back and forth, I'm assuming this is just normal fluctuation. I've never weighed myself weekly before, though.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Maternity clothes: No.

Sleep: Good. I've even felt less tired this week (resulting in only one nap) than I have the three weeks before.

Food cravings or aversions: Nope, nothing this week.

Gender: We'll find out in July!

Movement: Nope, not yet.

Belly button: Positively innie.

Exercise/Diet: I was a slacker this week, and only made it to the gym once. I did rake our yard though, and seriously, that must count for at least two trips to the gym. That is tough work!

What I'm loving: Thanksgiving! It's one of my favorite holidays and I especially enjoy celebrating this time of year pregnant.

What I miss: Nothing at all.

What's different this time: It's crazy how often I forget I'm pregnant. I'm sure it's because I'm busy with Isaac, but it's definitely not on the front of my mind all the time like it was the first time. I probably should be thinking of it more...like Saturday when I was wearing Isaac and carrying a 45 pound bag of dog food at the same time. It wasn't until I got into the car that it dawned on me that it probably hadn't been such a good idea and I should have asked for help. Whoops.

Also? I'm still not sick. Pleasepleaseplease let that stick around.

Isaac Grow Up - 22 Months

2011-11-27T08:00:00.009-06:00

Whoa, buddy. Only two months until you are TWO. What the heck?? I really just cannot wrap my brain around the fact that you are almost two. Time flies when you are having fun. And you are such a fun little boy - we enjoy you so much, Isaac.

Things you are doing at 22 months (seriously...TWENTY TWO MONTHS!):

That word explosion every talked about has definitely started! This month you started saying lots of new words and you will repeat literally anything we ask you to. You've also started saying a few phrases like "There he is!", "this one", or "that one". A few of the many new words: Go, walk, baby, tea, cold, corn, worm, barn, wait, help.

Cutest animal sound you've learned so far: elephant. (please ignore that my elephant sounds more like a fat horse)

You blow your nose! I have been waiting for this since last winter, haha. I love that you get what a kleenex is for now.

You love to build with your blocks.

You love talking about things. There are certain things in our house that spark conversation and we always have to devote a few minutes to these things when we go by them. For example, the attic fan switch, the handprint art in bathroom,and the brackets that hold the stair railing to the wall. I have no idea what it is about these particular things, but we always talk about them when we pass them.

Speaking of the handprint art, you were not at all a fan of making it. But now you act so proud of them, love to touch them and show just how you put your hands on the canvas. Same goes for your recent haircut. You HATED every second of that, but as soon as it was over, you wanted to see the result in the mirror. Too funny.

You've picked up on a bunch of new sign language recently, including mommy, daddy, baby, milk, cereal (which you don't eat, so that one is totally random!), help, ball, and friend.

You love to tell Butch to "go!" if he's getting too close to your high chair while you are eating.

You give the best, tightest hugs imaginable. They are seriously beyond description and beyond compare. <3

You got your first black eye this month. It was at the very beginning of the month and honestly, I've already forgotten how it happened...

You are obsessed with trucks, cars, construction equipment, helicopters, airplanes...any type of thing that goes. You have lots of toy cars/trucks and you love to get them all out of the toy cabinet and line them up a particular way on the coffee table. And if you stop playing with them and I even think of putting them a way, you have an absolute fit. I'm not allowed to touch the cars, so I have to put them away while you are asleep.

[your general reaction to anything truck/helicopter related]

You sing! Claymation Christmas has become a big hit because you like to sing along with the songs.

[chanting along with the tank gang in Finding Nemo]

You have begun associating things with people - like if you see your daddy's sock cap lying around, you will point to it and say daddy until I confirm that it is, indeed, daddy's. You've also begun pointing people out in photos and you will even point yourself out (at first, you were totally confused by us asking where Isaac was, but now you say "There he is!!", ha!)

You love to color - we do this nearly every day.

You are getting really efficient at putting puzzles together. You even understand them enough to joke about putting pieces in the wrong place.

We've enjoyed this month with you so much, Isaac, and we love watching you grow into a little boy.

Thankful

2011-11-24T08:00:00.001-06:00

For a God that loves me and shows his grace for me daily

For sweet mister kisses

For tight mister hugs

For a husband that works his tail off to support our family

For dark chocolate

For a church whose community vision matches my own

For a house that makes me so happy

For the life growing inside of me

For flannel sheets

For a the opportunity to serve "the least of these" through fostering and adoption

For supportive family and friends

For perfect fall weather

For reconnection with old friends and connection with new friends

For a holiday spent with family

Happy Thanksgiving, from our family to yours!

Fostering: The Beginning

2011-11-23T08:00:00.003-06:00

I want to document as much of our foster and adoption journey as I can on this blog, so I want to back up and talk about what our specific experience has been so far.

The first real step we took was calling our local Division of Family Services and simply asking a few questions. The lady I spoke to didn't give a lot of info. She basically just told me that our area is in high need of more foster families, that the required class would be beginning soon, and that she would send me a packet of information - if I filled out the info and returned it to her, she would give us more specifics on the class.

We got the packet of information a couple of days later. There were a few papers on fostering - just some basics on requirements, what to expect, safety guidelines, etc. plus three or four short forms to fill out. None were very in depth - I did have to answer a few "describe your parenting style" questions, but the entire packet of information took me less than an hour to fill out. I took it to our local office the next day and the following week, we followed up with fingerprinting. At that point, the social worker called us to give us the details of our class. Then it was just a matter of waiting for them to begin.

Two weeks later, we took our first class. And it was a doozie. I don't know what I was expecting, but the class was much harder to sit through than I thought it would be. It's taught by a career level foster mom and a counselor and they do not sugar coat anything. Their intent in talking so candidly about what we can expect to experience is to prepare us as thoroughly as possible, which I think is awesome and what I want, but I guess hearing first hand some of the horrible things kids go through and some of the tough situations these ladies have been faced with was really a punch in the gut. Obviously, I know many of these kids have been neglected or abused, but to hear very real specifics of the abuse...man, there really just aren't words for it. And as someone who places so much value on the first years of life, on nurturing a baby and on the importance of attachment, to hear the very real and life lasting struggles these kids face as a result of the neglect and abuse, even after they've been in a safe, loving home for years and years...it absolutely breaks me heart. A couple ladies actually cried through the majority of the first class just because it was so sad and overwhelming. By total coincidence, we actually know two other couples in the class and in later talking to one of the husbands, I think it's safe to say that we all walked out a little shell shocked. Through the entire first class, I actually kept thinking that it was going to scare Chad off, but wouldn't you know, when we talked on our way home that evening, the class really had the exact same effect on both of us: it made us that much more committed to this decision. And apparently it had the same effect on the rest of the class, because not a single couple has dropped out so far.

To talk more specifically of the classes, each session is broken down into a topic like "loss", "attachment", or "discipline". The two teachers split the session - one teaches the first half and the other teaches the second half. Our two teachers are great and it's the perfect balance - the counselor shares lots of things from her professional point of view while the career foster mom shares more from her 20 years of experience with fostering. There is a lot of interaction with the entire class and we do a lot of activities that really drive home the emotions that foster kids experience.

Around the third week of our classes, we had our first home study (there will be a total of three). Chad actually didn't have to be at the first home study, so I met with the social worker (Linda) alone. The very first thing we did was go over the paperwork. She gave me a total of maybe 10 forms to fill out, the longest being a 22 page form full of questions like "what do you think children should be told of adoption", "describe your life as a child", "what would you like to change about your spouse", and "how do you feel about parents who abuse or neglect their children". That particular form is the main questionnaire that the following home study will be based on and it is extensive. I'm still working on answering all the questions...at this point, my goal is to finish it by the end of the week, two and a half week after receiving it! In addition to that form, there are forms about our emergency plans, our finances, tax and payment information, medical forms for all three of us, and other mish mash like that. It took Linda about an hour to go over all the paperwork with me, then she did a quick tour of the house. As I showed her around, she asked questions like do we have gas appliances, where do we keep cleaning supplies and medicines, and where would a foster child sleep. Her tour of the house was not intrusive at all - she just glanced into rooms and didn't even go to the basement, since we don't use it for living purposes. After the tour, she gave me a very short list of a few changes we need to make (ex: install a carbon monoxide detector), and that was it! The entire thing lasted about an hour and a half.

At this point, we are continuing with our classes and waiting for our next home study. The second home study won't be for awhile - we have to turn in our paperwork first, then all of our answers have to be entered into the system, and then we can be scheduled. Based on what we've been told, we don't anticipate that happening until sometime in middle or late December.

I will be thrilled when I can get our current mound of paperwork turned it, because it will be a huge load off my shoulders. At that point, there will be very little left for us to do - it will simply be a matter of attending the classes and waiting for our next home studies. Hopefully, that all goes as smoothly as I'm anticipating!

I want to document this process for my own purposes but also just to expose the ins and outs to anyone interested. So if you have any questions about specifics, leave them in the comments and I'd be more than happy to answer them.

6 Weeks

2011-11-21T08:00:00.002-06:00

(I'm realizing that although my weekly ticker change happens on Fridays, it's going to be near impossible for me to actually get a picture and get these updates posted on Friday, so they'll probably be popping up on Mondays instead...)

How far along: 6 weeks. At 6 weeks, baby is doubling in size each week. He is circulating blood, beginning to sprout a nose, eyes, ears, chin, and cheeks, and may even be wiggling his hands and feet.

How big is baby: The size of a pea.

Weight gain/loss: 0

Stretch marks: Nope.

Maternity clothes: No.

Sleep: Good! Definitely napping on the regular with Isaac now.

Food cravings or aversions: Not really. I've been drinking water like crazy - I'm a big water drinking to begin with, but I definitely feel thirsty all the time now. Other than that, no cravings or aversions.

Gender: We'll find out in July!

Movement: Nope, not yet.

Belly button: Positively innie.

Exercise/Diet: Nothing different than the norm.

What I'm loving: Seeing a midwife! I had my first appointment on Saturday and it was great - Chad, Isaac, and I all went, which I absolutely loved, and we had a long conversation about my birth with Isaac (which is always cathartic for me). I'm really looking forward to prenatal care with a midwife.

What I miss: Real sushi. I had lunch at a local sushi spot with some friends last week and would have really loved to indulge in a spicy tuna roll.

What's different this time: See above - seeing a midwife instead of an OB. By this time last pregnancy, I'd already had two ultrasounds and seen Isaac's heartbeat. This time, there will only maybe be one ultrasound and we won't hear the heartbeat until 10+ weeks. Oddly enough, I've really not been nervous about this pregnancy at all. I was a complete mess the first few weeks with Isaac because I was so worried, but that just hasn't been the case this time around. Hopefully, that's a good sign. :)

Notables: Still not sick! Clinging to hope that it remains that way...

5 weeks

2011-11-16T08:00:00.004-06:00

How far along: 5 weeks. The embryo is now measurable and is gearing up for much more growth. In fact, in the next week, it will almost double in size. Grow baby grow! The embryo doesn't look like much more than a tadpole right now, but at five weeks, it's already starting to form major organs (heart, stomach, liver, kidney) and systems (digestive, circulatory, nervous).

How big is baby: The size of a apple seed.

Weight gain/loss: Down one pound, which I'm going to assume is just normal fluctuation.

Stretch marks: Nope. And hoping I get lucky again and don't get any.

Maternity clothes: No.

Sleep: good - better than before I was pregnant, actually. I'm asleep the second my head hits the pillow and don't move until Isaac wakes up in the morning. I'm starting to get pretty tired throughout the day now, and have taken a few naps with Isaac too.

Food cravings or aversions: I have noticed that my appetite has decreased significantly. And I've been having cravings for kale, but I'm pretty sure that's all in my head. I read that kale is a great source of folic acid, so I think that's why I'm "craving" it all the time.

Gender: We'll find out in July!

Movement: Nope not yet.

Belly button: Positively innie.

Exercise/Diet: Nothing different than the norm.

What I'm loving: Kale, water, and all the sweet congrats I've been getting.

What I miss: Nada

What's different this time: I'm sure it's because this is my second time around and I'm just more aware, but I can really feel how my uterus growing already. I know that seems so crazy because it's still so early, but it's like it knows what to do and isn't wasting any time in doing it.

Notables: I'm still not sick. Really, really hoping that sticks around. The next two weeks should tell me a lot.

Also, I've been a little sad this week mourning the loss of Isaac's babyhood. He will be two in just two short months, and add that to the fact that we are adding two more babies to our home...it really drives home the point that he's not a baby anymore! I've never really struggled with the idea of Isaac growing up, so this is new for me. I think the pregnancy hormones are making it worse!

Fostering and Adoption Journey

2011-11-15T08:00:00.009-06:00

(I will be updating this as we move forward in the process)

9/2011 - after months of discussions and prayers, we finally decide to take a step in faith and become a foster family with the intention of adopting

10/5/2011 - submit foster family application paperwork

10/13/2011 - get fingerprinted

10/25/2011 - begin 9 week foster family class

11/9/2011 - first home study

11/30/2011 - turn in all home study paperwork and questionnaire

12/12/2011 - second home study

12/20/2011 - final day of foster classes

1/5/2012 - third home study (really, just finishing up the second home study)

1/18/2012 - we are licensed!!

4 Weeks

2011-11-14T08:00:00.002-06:00

(Just catching up on the past two weeks)

I'm gonna do a little something different with my belly pictures this time around. I'm going to wear the same (maternity) shirt in every single weekly photo. I'm sure I'll add some bare belly shots and regular clothing shots here and there, but I think it will be fun to see the comparisons with the same shirt each week.

Also, I think I already look like I have a little bump in this photo, but it's got nothing to do with this pregnancy and everything to do with my pregnancy with Isaac. :)

How far along: 4 weeks! In week 4, now safe in my womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) splits in two, becoming the embryo and the placenta. The amniotic sac and fluid are forming around baby, and will act as a cushion for the next eight months.

How big is baby: The size of a poppy seed.

Weight gain/loss: I weighed myself today so I have a starting weight for the rest of the pregnancy. So right now, I'm at 0 gain/0 loss.

Stretch marks: Nope. And hoping I get lucky again and don't get any.

Maternity clothes: No.

Sleep: Great, actually. Isaac's been sleeping like a champ, and so have I.

Food cravings or aversions: Nope, not at all yet.

Gender: We'll find out in July! Chad thinks it's a boy and I have no feeling either way. We all know how accurate our "feelings" were last time, so I'm not putting much stock in it either way.

Movement: No, but I'm really hoping I feel movement earlier this time than I did the last time. With Isaac, I wasn't sure I was feeling movement until 20+ weeks, although looking back, I realized I'd been feeling it since 17 weeks. Also, I had an anterior placenta. Hopefully knowing what I'm looking for and a posterior placenta will give me a head start this time.

Belly button: Positively innie. I'll be shocked if it ever becomes an outie.

Exercise/Diet: Nothing different than the norm. Still working out 3 or 4 times a week and I'm still eating like I normally do - mostly healthy with some sweets thrown in.

What I'm loving: Seeing that second pink line! I had a stash of cheapie pregnancy tests left, so I've been peeing on them daily. I love seeing that line get darker each day. :)

What I miss: Nada

What's different this time: I think Chad and I are both more relaxed about the pregnancy this time around, but at the same time, we're both more excited because we know what's coming! Also, I already have that "full uterus" feeling, which kinda blows my mind. I don't remember feeling that until about 9 or 10 weeks the first time.

Notables: I cannot even tell you how good it's felt to be able to wholly congratulate other people on their pregnancies without feeling that little twinge of jealousy. Pregnancy announcements have been popping up like crazy lately, and I love not feeling like I'm holding something back. (I hope that doesn't offend anybody...just trying to be honest.)

Also, no nausea or morning sickness yet. That doesn't say a whole lot since it didn't set in until 6 weeks the last time, but I can at least hope that this pregnancy will be different in that aspect!

Another notable - Isaac recently learned the sign for baby, and every time I talk to him about the new babies, he signs "baby". Cutest thing ever.

Growing Our Family: Baby #3

2011-11-10T07:00:00.001-06:00

And again, many of you guessed correctly on Tuesday, but in case you missed it, part two of our big news is:

I'm pregnant!

So yes, we'll be adding two babies to our family next year, mostly likely within about six months of each other. Never would I have thought our family would grow quite like this, but we couldn't be more thrilled. And I don't think it's any coincidence that we received this blessing from God just two short months after obediently putting pen to paper as a foster family.

To catch you up to speed on my pregnancy, I thought I'd use the same layout I did when I announced my first pregnancy. So here goes!

When did you find out?

Tuesday, November 1. Which means it's still very early. I know not everyone is comfortable sharing pregnancy news this early in the game, but I decided long ago that the second time around, I'd be sharing right from the beginning. The biggest reason why is this: right now, I'm pregnant - there is a child growing by leaps and bounds inside of me. I could not be more thrilled about that and I want to share my excitement! Yes, there is a chance that I could miscarry, but that doesn't mean I don't want to celebrate this pregnancy right now, so that's what I'm doing. Also, by the grace of God, this will be a healthy and happy pregnancy, but if not, I would share that on this blog, so the way I figure it, I may as well just go ahead and out myself now. :)

How did you tell Chad?

I took the test when I woke up...and thought I saw the faintest of all faint lines. I inspected it for a good 5 minutes in every possible light (including a mag lite, haha) but I just couldn't convince myself that there was actually a line. So, I did what anyone would do: I woke up my husband. I told him I needed him to look at a pregnancy test and tell me if it was positive. He asked if it was my pregnancy test (uh, yes Chad. Who else's??). He glanced at the test for the briefest of seconds, said "Yep, I see a line. But it's really faint...I don't think we should celebrate until we know for sure." Now, normally, I'm all "a line is a line!!" but people, this line was so faint it was basically non-existent. My plan was to wait until the following morning and retest with a digital, but seeing as I have no patience and no will power, I tested again in the middle of the day fully expecting a negative, but got a PREGNANT reading, and called Chad at work to tell him the news. We both already kinda knew, so there was a bit of "YAY" and "we're excited!" and then he had to get back to business. :)

Was it planned?

Yep, and I was charting so if you are interested in the details, you can see my chart here. We got pregnant on my third postpartum cycle. The first two cycles were crazy - I ovulated really late and my luteal phase was too short (6 days, then 9 days). To try and help my body level out, I took a natural supplement called Vitex during the third cycle from the beginning until I ovulated, and apparently, it did the trick!

When did you tell your family and friends?

We told our families the day we found out - I texted my mom and brother and Chad called his parents. We told friends throughout the week last week.

Will you find out the sex?

No, I don't think so. I loved not finding out with Isaac and I'm pretty sure we'll go that route again. I'm not even sure I'll have any ultrasounds at all this pregnancy (but that's a topic for another time).

What sex would you prefer?

I have no preference at all. I would be thrilled with either and can think of a million reasons that either would be absolutely perfect.

Do you have names picked out?

Yep. Once we started the biblical name trend with Isaac, I knew that would continue on with other kids, so I've had a name list for quite a while. But as with Isaac, we'll probably wait until the baby is born to make any absolute decisions.

Due Date?

July 13, 2012 - and I'm super excited to be pregnant in the summer this time! This baby will born almost exactly 6 months after Isaac's birthday, so I'll experience a totally different pregnancy time frame, which I think is fun.

Which means you're how far along?

5 weeks.

How far apart will Isaac and baby #3 be?

They should be 2.5 years apart, almost exactly. It'll be interesting to see where baby #2 falls in that timeline!

Will you have a natural birth again?

Yes, that's the plan. We are planning a home birth this time, so as things come together, I'll share more.

How are you feeling? Cravings? Aversions?

I'm feeling great so far. No nausea, I'm not any more tired than normal, no weird food things going on...I basically don't feel pregnant.

And the nursery?

At this point, we're completely uncertain how this will all pan out. It depends a great deal on what age our foster child is and what his/her needs are. Ideally, Isaac and baby #2 will share the nursery, while baby #3 sleeps in our room. After baby #3 is 6ish months old (Isaac will be 3 years old), I'd love it if I could move Isaac and baby #2 upstairs and let baby #3 have the nursery. Regardless of how it all plays out, this is all one of my main motivations for getting a bedroom/playroom ready upstairs. Even if none of the kids actually sleep up there, having the extra space for clothes, toys, etc. will be wonderful.

And with that, you are up to speed! We are SO EXCITED with the way our family is growing and can't wait to see what more God has planned for us.

Growing Our Family: Baby #2

2011-11-09T07:00:00.001-06:00

Many of you guessed correctly yesterday, but in case you didn't, part one of our big news is:

Chad and I are adopting a child!!

More specifically, we are currently in the process of becoming a licensed foster family and will foster with the intention of adopting.

So, let's talk about how we've arrived here. Adoption is something that I've considered for as long as I can remember. Even as a child, it just seemed natural to me that I would eventually grow my family not only through my own pregnancies, but through adoption as well. When Chad and I were engaged and even in early married life, we did talk about adoption a few times, but Chad had been very clear that he wasn't interested. It wasn't a make or break thing for me, so I just took it for what it was and moved on.

Around the time we moved to Cape (November of 2010), I began to feel a stronger pull towards adoption. This was at a time that both Chad and I were beginning to actively walk with God, so I broached the subject of adoption with him again and when he still resisted the idea, I was just honest with him and told him that obviously, it was a huge decision - one that we'd both have to be on board with. I told him that I felt I was being led in that direction, so with that in mind, to please prayerfully consider it. He said he would and we dropped the subject for a number of months.

In the meantime, Chad and I began actively trying for a baby. I've posted enough about it on this blog that most of my readers know the details, but for a quick summary, our original plan was to get pregnant with baby #2 around the time Isaac turned one, but because I was not having cycles due to breastfeeding, this did not happen. It was something I struggled with a lot and something that Chad and I talked about a lot. One evening when we were talking about the situation and about what God's plan may potentially look like, Chad said that after a lot of thinking and praying, he'd decided that he would be interested in adopting in the future. He thought maybe for baby #3 or even #4. When I asked him about the change of heart, he said (I'm summarizing) that having our first baby had been full of unknowns and scary possibilities, but that Isaac has been an amazing blessing in our lives that we never would have experienced without pushing past the fear, and that he felt it would be similar with an adoption: lots of fear of the unknown, but immense blessings on the other side. I was thrilled to hear that we seemed to be on the same page, and we decided to revisit the topic again after conceiving baby #2.

Fast forward to September of 2011. Out of nowhere, I began to feel God leading me very strongly towards adopting and distinctly towards researching specific adoption options. In the interest of full disclosure, I do currently know two couples in the process of adoption (one brought their baby home in the end of October and the other is waitng for placement), but even with those encounters aside, I felt like I was suddenly bombarded with the topic of adoption - everywhere I turned, someone would be talking about it, praying about it, posting about it, reading about it, etc. Finally, after the Lord once again put someone in my path to bring up adoption, I sat down on the computer and began to research. I actually started my search on international adoption and somehow, with clicking here and there, I ended up on a page dedicated to fostering with the intent to adopt. As soon as I landed on the page, I knew it was exactly where I was supposed to be. I did a little bit of research that night, then tentatively brought the subject up with Chad. To my great surprise, he was actually very much on board with the idea of fostering to adopt, but had some concerns, especially because at this point, we knew so little about it.

Enter the Lord and the amazing groundwork He lays: through the powers of the Internet, I actually know someone who has fostered and subsequently adopted. I sent her a message explaining a bit of background and asking 1,468 questions and she quickly emailed back with lots of insightful info. Next step (again, the Lord and his groundwork), we contacted Chad's cousin, who is a social worker in our area, and she was able to direct us in terms of who to contact. Specifically, some counties have not for profit groups available to guide you through this process - she gave us the name of the one NFP in our area as well as told us who to contact should the NFP not be able to help us. As it turns out, the NFP here deals only in adoptions and short term fostering, so we moved on to direct contact with the Division of Family Services in our state. After a short conversation with the director, we were sent a packet of information.

At this point, we have filled out our paperwork, including authorizations for background checks, we've had our fingerprints taken, we've begun our fostering classes, and we have our first home visit scheduled for tomorrow. Fostering in Missouri requires a 9 week parenting course that meets once a week and ours began at the end of October. We will most likely have two home visits during the time of our parenting course. Once the course is complete (the middle of December), we will be submitted for approval. After we have approval, we will be waiting for a placement. Approval is typically a pretty quick process - a week or two - and placement can vary greatly. A lot of it depends on your county's needs and your own stipulations. We are requesting a specific age group, but outside of that, we are very open - any gender, any race, we are possibly willing to take a sibling group, and we are even open to some special needs.

Regarding the age group, we have specified that we would like a child that is 2 or younger - basically, a child younger than Isaac. Our main purpose in that is this: if we are going to parent a child that more than likely has attachment issues, has been in a home of neglect, may have some special needs, etc, we at least want the assurance that we have parented through that particular developmental age before. At least if Isaac is the oldest, we will have experienced the foster child's stage with Isaac.

And regarding the need in our area...it's great. For that reason alone, we think we will get placement fairly quickly.

I want to talk a bit about the disappointment I dealt with in the fact that we hadn't conceived baby #2 yet: to be completely candid, I've been a bit hesitant to talk openly about our intention to adopt because many people know that we'd been trying for a second baby (it's not generally something I talk about in real life, but many people I know in real life read my blog, so they are aware). I'm not even sure I can articulate this correctly, but I have been worried that people would see this step as one of desperation rather than one of obedience. Does that make sense? That people would think I was just so desperate to have another child that we decided to adopt one instead of waiting to get pregnant again, rather than know that this is truly where we feel the Lord is calling us. But I can confidently say that I have never been so sure that I was following the path that God intended as I am now. And at the same time, even as I struggled with wanting to be pregnant, it's amazing to me how God used that desire to compel us to take immediate action rather than just waiting to see, as was our original plan with adoption.

To touch a little more about the route we are taking - fostering with the intention of adopting - it's scary and exciting and intimidating and an awesome challenge. First, because we will be fostering, we cannot guarantee that the first child we are placed with will be the child we adopt. Actually, statistically speaking, it's pretty unlikely that will be the case for us. In Missouri, the foster system's goal is to reunite the child and the parents. They do everything they can to equip the parents to parent well and to heal any damage inflicted onto the child (emotional, physical, or otherwise) and ultimately, they want them to continue on as a family. Chad and I understand that and we support that...but that doesn't mean it will be easy on us. To put that goal into real terms, it is entirely possible that we could be given a child at birth and care for/love on that child until he is 22 months old (older than Isaac is right now), and then have a judge decide that the child should return to his biological parents.

Second, a child is placed into foster care because a) he tested positive for drugs at birth or b) he has suffered from severe neglect or abuse. Both of those options break my heart. You know, it's one thing to know in an abstract sense that children are abused every day. But it is quite another to know that there is a very real potential for an abused child to be in my home and that I will have to face that child's demons with him. That's a very overwhelming thought.

Also, I'm amazed at how controversial this path is. Not just fostering to adoption, but adopting in general. It's brought all kinds of...interesting...comments already and we are only 2.5 months into it and don't even have a child in our home yet! It's disheartening and even infuriating at times, but I stand on the truth that God called us into this and ultimately, He knows our hearts and He is the only one to which we are responsible.

But at the same time, I don't want to be all doom and gloom about this process. First of all, we are so excited to welcome a child into our home, whether that's a child we adopt or one we foster temporarily. I love my job as a mom and I love caring for and nurturing Isaac and I can't wait to shower some of that love on a sweet baby in need of it. Also, while this process is scary and it is intimidating, I am absolutely confident that we are doing what God has called us to do and with that in mind, I know that God will equip us for whatever will come our way. Yes, there are times I feel overwhelmed, but overall, I feel at complete peace regarding this path.

I plan to post about our fostering and adoption journey in as much detail as I can and will be doing a post soon about our experience so far, but for now, I think you're caught up on part one of our news!

More to come...

Our Family: One Year Later

2011-11-08T06:30:00.004-06:00

November 2010:

Chad: 27
Kristal: 27
Isaac: 9 months

November 2011:

Chad: 28
Kristal: 28
Isaac: 21 months
Baby #2: expected January 2012
Baby #3: expected July 2012

details coming...

Our Home: One Year Later

2011-11-07T07:30:00.000-06:00

It's been exactly one year since we closed on our house, so I thought it would be fun to do a before and after post, showing what our home looked like in November of 2010 and what it looks like today.

Outside Front Then:

Outside Front Now - we've replaced the shutters, painted the front door, added/edited the landscaping, and added some finishing touches to the porch. Next year, we plan to work a bit more on the landscaping (add more hostas and hopefully rip out the railroad tie edging and add stone edging in it's place):

Backyard Then:

Backyard Now - lots of toys strewn about the yard, plus a garden and a chicken coop:

(Actually, these photos were taken two weeks ago. That tree actually looks like this now:)

Entry Then:

Entry Now - we've ripped down the wallpaper and painted the walls. Eventually, I'd like to replace the flooring and the light:

Living Room Then:

Living Room Now - we've painted the walls, trim, built-ins, and fireplace, and drywalled over the niche in the wall above the couch (which you can't see in the before pictures). Future plans include adding built in seating and storage below the large window, between the bookcases:

Dining Room Then:

Dining Room Now - we've painted the walls, trim, and built-ins and removed the doors on the built-ins. When we renovate the kitchen, I'd like to knock out the majority of the wall between the dining room and the kitchen to open the space up more:

Kitchen Then:

Kitchen Now - we painted the walls, trim, and cabinets. Eventually, we will completely renovate this room:

Sunroom Then:

Sunroom Now - we've painted the walls and trim and added a mudroom area. There's still a lot to do in here...this will be my craft/office area, and I have the tables, but now I need to get a bookcase and baskets and organize all my craft supplies, organize our office supplies, and hang some artwork. Plus, Chad plans to build a base around the shoe shelves to give it a more built in look. We also need to replace the lighting and the back door:

Master Bedroom Then:

(not a very good angle, sorry)

Master Bedroom Now - we've painted the walls and trim and replaced the lighting. In the future, that nook may become an additional closet:

Nursery Before:

Nursery Now - we've painted the walls and trim:

Main Level Bath Then:

Main Level Bath Now - complete renovation:

Not many changes upstairs - the stairs/hallway and two bedrooms are basically the same, outside of the extra furniture we've got up there:

But we have updated the bathroom! Upstairs Bathroom Before:

Upstairs Bathroom Now:

I'm thrilled with our progress so far! The next couple projects on my list include getting the sunroom organized into a craft room, painting the stairway and upstairs hallway, and turning one of the upstairs rooms into a playroom or possibly a playroom/kid's bedroom combo. Hopefully in November of 2012, I can post again saying some of these plans are completed. :)

Isaac Grows Up - 21 Months

2011-10-27T08:00:00.002-05:00

What a blast we've had this month, Isaac! We've gotten the chance to do so many fun things this month and you've just eaten it up. A fire truck rally, a visit with your MawMaw, the pumpkin patch, a visit to the local safari park...you're social calendar has been full! I've been enjoying this special time with just you so much and can't wait to see what the next month holds as you continue to learn more and more.

New words this month include: wheel, walk, yuck, tea, burp, bus, please, stop, done, one, two, bread. New sounds include: oink, meow, moo

You know all your body parts (head, nose, ears, mouth, teeth, eyes, hair, arms, hands, feet) and you love to point them out on other people now.

You have come into the daddy phase - you LOVE daddy, love to see him, play with him, ask about him...you ask "dada??" about 20 times a day when he's working. And while you used to be upset if daddy put you to bed instead of me, you now eagerly climb into his lap to read bedtime books and happily say and wave "Bye!" to me as I walk out the door of your room. :)

Your favorite book right now is Where The Wild Things Are - you think the wild things are daddy and you LOVE that the last word of the book is hot.

We've fully transitioned you to your toddler bed - no more cage for you, Mister. The transition went fairly smoothly and I love that you walk to our room in the mornings and crawl into bed with us now.

You are SO independent. You love to play on your own and usually only ask for me to get involved if you are getting frustrated with something. Puzzles have been a big hit this month and as long as you are in a calm mood, you do a great job at getting the pieces into place.

We started really working on manners this month, especially saying please when you ask for something, rather than just screaming for it. :)

You are most happy outside, searching for bugs, sticks, and rocks.

The conversations you will have with us blow my mind. It's completely common to have a 5 minute back and forth with you, it just so happens that we speak English and you speak "Isaac".

You've also apparently become proficient in using my iPhone. A few days ago, while I was getting ready and I thought you were watching a video, you were actually on my phone. You called your GoGo and had a SIX MINUTE conversation with her. I had no clue. I heard you talking in the other room, I just assumed you were talking to yourself. You weren't, haha!

The fact that you have no fear shows up in many ways, but this month we've had lots of opportunities to see that characteristic present itself with animals. No animal scares you, no matter how big or small. You are more than happy to pet an animal friend!

You have become so affectionate! You've always been a lover and a cuddler, but this month, we've started getting the tightest hugs imaginable. You will throw your little arms around our necks and just squeeze as tight as you can. There is nothing better!

You are really starting to put concepts together - like if I talk about needing to wash your diapers, you'll point to the diaper you are wearing and talk about it. Or if I ask you about a boo boo on your arm, you'll point to it and talk about it.

I haven't weighed or measured you this month, but I can tell you that the fall clothes that were too big for you in early August now fit you perfectly and you wear size 7(!!) shoe. You are growing too fast, buddy!

We love you, Mister!

Linky Love

2011-10-26T12:26:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've done a linky love post, but a bunch of great links have caught my eye recently, so I thought I'd share.

Pearl in Oyster is one of my favorite parenting blogs and in particular, I love her 52 tool card posts - each post has a gentle parenting tip and along with the tip, she tells a story of how she uses the technique with her daughter. I especially loved her most recent 52 tool card post because of the sweet bedtime story that went along with it.

Today on Twitter, I came across this article referencing a study that showed less than one third of ACOG's (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) medical guidelines to be in line with evidence based medicine. I hope this gets some major media attention because it's definitely something I think women need to be aware of.

I loved loved loved this post from Moms of Boys on "bucking the boy raising system". My favorite part of the post: "People will sometimes be more than willing to point out how your boys aren’t prepared for life in one way or another because you’re raising them against the grain. Believe me, more than willing. ;) But we have to keep our long-term perspective in place. And I am more than willing to raise my boys to be free-lovin, tree-climbin, Jesus-following men who would rather be off on the mission field than sitting behind a desk."

I was shocked when I read this article. Not shocked at the content - that came as no surprise - but shocked that a mainstream media source would pick it up. Like the birth practices article, I hope this one gets a lot of attention. I think the lies run deep on this topic and exposure like this would be a good thing, in my opinion.

A friend of mine and her husband have been in the process of adoption for the past year and last week, they got to bring their new son home from Korea. Grab a tissue and be prepared to be blown away by their family day photos.

Last but certainly not least: salted caramel apples. Yes, please. I believe we'll be making these this weekend!

Google Reader, Why Are You Sucking?

2011-10-20T10:49:00.001-05:00

I posted a couple of days ago about our upstairs bathroom makeover, but Google Reader didn't pick it up. I've tried repeatedly to get it to pop up, but it's not working, so if you read this blog through a reader, come on out and check out Isaac's new bathroom!

Four Years

2011-10-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

4 years down...96 to go. :)